Over-thinker.

It is said that an over-thinker has been hurt so bad in the past that they question everything they know and they start being hyper vigilant to protect themselves.

Many divorced people become over-thinkers. I, myself have been one since I was a child.

Questioning the “why” in everything and over analyzing every possible outcome.

I will go through every single scenario in my head over and over until I am completely exhausted mentally.

Sometimes, if it’s worth the energy, I will try and explain it, only to find myself overthinking even that.

The fear of hurting someone by telling them how I truly feel is why.

I remember the first time my mom asked me if I was ok with everything when she started chemo.

I lied and said I was good. How could I tell her that I was scared and sad? It would hurt her feelings because it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t anything she could control. It was how I felt.

My entire life, I didn’t want to talk about how I felt. If someone hurt me, I would apologize for feeling hurt. If someone was angry with me, I would apologize for angering them.

If they were disappointed, I would apologize.

I never justified the “why” even if it was a reaction to something they said or did.

Everything happens for a reason, but I need to always know the reason.

Learn why and what so I can either never do it again or continue to work on improving it.