My crown.

In my early 40’s I realized that everything I have lived and everything I have done has everything to do with me.

Up until that point, I could always find reason to point at something or someone for my accomplishments or failures.

I never gave myself credit or took accountability.

Would try to find and pinpoint something that would justify my actions and reactions.

Sometimes people ask who my favourite Disney princess is.

I always replied, Cinderella.

Why her?

Well;

Cinderella was selfless, and wanted to please those around her.

Having compassion and overflowing goodness toward people, even in the face of maltreatment.

She cleaned up after other people’s messes and confided in the pretend mice around her.

She didn’t think she was good enough for anything more in life and was willing to live with the cards she was dealt.

Until…one magical evening, her fairy godmother transformed her with confidence and gave her an opportunity but with rules.

Just when Cinderella is about to have it all, her time runs out and so does she, leaving behind only a glass slipper.

When Prince Charming went on his mission, he believed he would find the Princess that belonged to the slipper.

Now, had the Universe (or fairy godmother) not worked its magic, Cinderella would have never had her Happily ever after.

I believed if I left everything up to the Universe, it would all work out for me in the end.

By believing this, I could put blame or give thanks to anything but myself.

Some say, “It’s in God’s hands”. or “It’s out of our control “.

I would say “It’s what the Universe wants”.

It’s has nothing to with the Universe, or God, or Joe Shmo, and EVERYTHING to do with me!

If I don’t buy a lottery ticket, I can never win. It isn’t going to come to me in the mail from the Universe.

If I win an achievement award, it’s because of all my hard work, it wasn’t the Universe that nominated me.

But wait, my marriage failed, does that mean it is on me if it isn’t the Universe’s fault?

Ugh, maybe the Universe analogy works better for me in this case or maybe I start holding myself accountable. Not just myself but others around me as well.

It is on me if I continued to give compassion even if they mistreated me.

(It is also on them for being such shitty people for taking advantage of it.)

I can give credit to someone for guiding me and helping me achieve but I also need to give credit to myself for following through on it.

Not the Universe.

Just like Cinderella’s evil step-sisters, there are people around you that are vultures. Waiting to jump at you and take advantage, but if you allow it, that’s on you, not the Universe.

The fact that I related to Cinderella from such a young age is crazy to me now.

Like Cinderella, I am Maria and I wear my own crown.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason.

I rule my own kingdom (my life) and everything I do is because of me.

I will roll my shoulders back, pull up my chin and wear my crown while I rule my castle and buy my own slippers.