Manipulation.

It’s crazy how we don’t look something up or research it until it has directly affected us.

I mean, let’s be real, had this been 2002 I would not have gone to the Terryberry Library and taken books and dictionaries out to sit and pull together my own thesis on the subject.

But fast forward to the 2020’s where life has Google and Safari at our very own fingertips 24/7 that allows us to obsessively look things up and jaw drop as we read it.

Manipulation; to influence or control someone, usually in an underhanded manner.

To call someone a manipulator is, well not a compliment.

I for one, was convinced that I definitely was not a manipulator and definitely could spot someone trying to manipulate me.

Cue the laugh box.

A friend puts me in a situation and then an argument is created. Feeling hurt, remorse and guilt, I Maria immediately turn to the internet to see what I did to cause this. As I said before, it takes two.

So, if I google it in the way I understand the situation, out come results “why he is a manipulator” , “how he is manipulating you”, “how to stop him from manipulating you” and the one I click on? “Top 5 signs he is manipulating you”

According to psychcentral.com the top 5 are;

1)persistent excessive attention, love, and flattery.

2)persistence despite boundaries.

3)time pressure (to get you to act)

4)incongruence between words and actions.

5)you feel guilt, shame, or generally “off” around this person.

Ok, hang on- so basically I was manipulated all through grade school and high school by my crushes?

I mean number one isn’t really a negative to me, even number two says, “wow he is chasing after my heart”

This was not good enough for me.

Continuing my search and I come across this list;

1)they always make excuses or give you empty promises.

2)they never apologize even if they are wrong.

3)they use your weakness against you.

4)they use guilt trips.

5)they prioritize others before you.

I pulled my head up from the screen on my phone and literally said out loud -

“my 6 year old is manipulating me!”

Jokes aside, I kept reading and I came across a fairly new word being used these days, “gaslighting” or “gaslighter”.

These people lie constantly, make you feel like you are the crazy one, never take responsibility for their actions, they can even turn an apology against you.

This “talent” is a few steps up from a manipulator.

This right here describes every teenager out there.

My 80 year old Yiayia was a gaslighter at this rate.

Frustrated at what I was finding in my searches, I turned to everyone’s favourite Instagram. Quotes and quotes and more quotes shared.

While I found some that were dead on, most of them once again could fall under numerous categories.

The glare from so much screen time was giving me a headache so I put on my Spotify, and place my phone on the coffee table,lay on the couch and close my eyes.

My playlist is pretty much all over the place.

I like a song and throw it on there until I get tired of it and then switch it up.

Lewis Capaldi has a guaranteed set list of easy listening. As I’m laying there listening to Someone you loved that he allegedly wrote for his ex, I hear the line, “I let my guard down, and you pulled the rug.”

I have listened to this song hundreds of times, even on repeat, but I immediately sit up from my laying position and yell out loud, again to an empty house, “YES!”

Thank you Lewis for doing what the last 3 hours of Google could not.

That ONE line summed it all up for me.

“I let my guard down, and you pulled the rug.”

Support. You pulled your support from me.

End of story. Reason for questioning myself and feeling hurt.

It didn’t matter what caused the argument, what mattered to me was the response I got when I tried to talk about how and why it happened and you manipulated the situation somehow to make me feel hurt.

Conclusion?

When a friend or lover (husband)pulls the rug.

It’s time to turn it into a magic carpet and get the hell out of there.

Manipulation .