June 24th 2001. The next chapter.

I began writing back to my mom in the same journal she left behind for me.

This was my first entry at 21 years of age.

It's been two months tomorrow.

Slowly, everyone is getting back into the swing of things. It's funny, but I believe my inner strength has doubled. I think you left whatever was left inside of you to me.

It feels very weird not having you around, but I thank you for doing such a great job raising the three of us and whipping daddy into shape. Yiayia and Papou are having a difficult time dealing with everything as you predicted, but Theo Steve is doing an excellent job taking care of them.

I wanna thank you for leaving us these books. You always knew what to do. I feel like you're speaking to me every time I read this. I will give these words to your grandchildren so that they always remember and know what an amazing woman their Yiayia was.

It is funny how everything works, I know you weren't ready to go, but I will finish everything for you here on Earth before I join you again.

I'm glad I came home from school in London when I did, and I'm glad I got an ulcer from all the late night talks with you.

LOL. Thank you.

I still don't know what to do with my life.

At the moment, I'm just taking care of things, making sure the house is in order, the girls have direction, and helping daddy out with any business and financial decisions.

He's taken up golfing with Paul, Alastair, and Fraser. It's good for him, and my guy friends are taking excellent care of him.

We still laugh and have fun together like always. I don't know where we'll all be in a couple of years, but I know whatever we'll do, we'll do it together.

We're all going to Greece in a month, and I'll do my best to visit everyone for you, especially Thea Maria. She's probably having a hard time dealing with everything. I'll tell her how much you talked about her and missed her. If I had the money, I would have flown her in when I had the chance. I'm sorry I didn't. I know you were waiting for her, but I hope you got your closure over that telephone call.

For once, you couldn't give a smart ass remark back to her, although I know you tried.

It was nice that Thea Cleo came to see you.

I will take good care of all your godchildren for you. No worries. I'll give them each a little something of yours to remember you.

Little Kristo has your Tigger pillowcase. I think it helps him deal with this a lot easier. The kids are still having a hard time dealing and understanding all of this because they are so young.

Oh, mom, you were such a kid at heart.

Did you see all the people at the funeral?!And you thought everyone forgot about you.

I felt bad for some because I knew they would have made your quote list. They stuck with you though, and now I see what you mean by realizing who your true friends are.

I will, And I will be friends forever with anyone that may give me their heart. I will accept that and will follow from now on and try and put myself first.

I will change my “dirty habits” as you'd say (Man, you knew everything). And watch my health, like you said. And if and when I do get sick, by then they'll have a cure, like you said.

You raised thousands of dollars for the Niagara on the Lake hospital and they put up a plaque in the front hallway in memory of you!

The front desk lady asked, are you Vera's daughter?

Everyone tells me I'm identical twin to you.

It upsets me at times, but not in a bad way just because I miss you so much. But I'm very proud of you.

I've saved lots of money from working and put a lot into that account you gave me. Thank you for picking me to gift that to.

Dina had her last performance of the year and daddy went. I couldn't go because I was working, but he saved time to go and raved about it for days.

She said, from now on, when she sings, she'll sing for you.

We'll do our best to make her succeed. And trust me, she will.

Stacy's doing really well. Her and daddy have gotten closer, which is amazing. And I don't know what you wrote in her book, but she, as we all do, carries it with her everywhere with her head held high. I remember the last thing you said to me, and I promise we'll take care of her. We'll never leave her be. And I will continue your legacy by raising money and awareness.

Come to me more often in my dreams, mom, and reassure me that you're alright and watching over us.

I'll stop trying to question and figure out the afterlife.

You always told people I was an odd child because of it, but you know I always want to have the answers to everything.

It's days like today that I can't stop crying.

I can't stop the tears.

Always alone.

Don't worry. I won't show anyone I'm weak.

You never did. I just don't wanna have a breakdown later on in life and in the future.

Maybe I should go see a counselor just to vent anger and frustration, like you said. I feel a lot of pressure from everyone at times.

Daddy still never seems to appreciate anything I do. I need to do it better.

I know he does, but I wish he'd show it or say it sometimes. That's just something I'll battle with him for a little while, I guess.

See, you're not here to point it out to him anymore. But I'm sure you'll find some way to do it. You always find a way.

I'm sorry I don't go to the cemetery as often as I think of it, but it's hard for me, you know? This I will try to do better.

It gives me pride that you actually took what I always told you about living and not dwelling on dying. I didn't mean it in a nasty way, and I'm glad you understood me.

It's still not all real to me because it happened so fast.

But in a way, I like it.

Like that it feels like you're always around. I love you and thank you a bazillion times.

Never be scared, mom. My truly amazing mother.