Hope.

I knew I wanted to be a mom. I just didn't know how difficult it would be to become one.

Shortly after I was engaged, I became pregnant. With total panic I wasn't ready yet. Things needed to go in order. Move in together, get married, THEN have a child. Sometimes we can't control the order and things happen for a reason.

I didn't know I was pregnant until I went to the doctor for irregular bleeding. It was in her office that I learned I was 3 months along. She quickly ordered bloodwork. Then that phone call came. "Your HCG levels are dropping. I'm sorry Maria, you are miscarrying.

It was emotional, painful and challenging, but I believed that there was a reason that this pregnancy wasn't meant to carry full term.

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" Sometimes when I need a miracle, I just look into my daughter's eyes and realize I've created one"

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We were married a year later, and had both just started new jobs. We had our house, our dog, and our health. A few months later, once again, irregular bleeding. Another miscarriage. This time 4 months along. We never told anyone about the first one, so decided not to say anything about the second one. We didn't tell anyone about the third either. Why was this happening? I didn't have a problem getting pregnant, but had the problem staying pregnant.

This time around, 4 months in, past the first trimester, we were happy to share the news with close family. My dad was SO excited. His first grandchild. We only told our parents, and siblings. A few weeks later, while at our family restaurant, I felt something was wrong. I called out to my dad from the restroom and he drove me to the hospital. By the time my husband showed up, I had already miscarried in the hospital bathroom.

Total devastation this time.

I wasn't going to accept that it happened for a "reason". What possible reason did I lose this one too?!

Looking into it further, I discovered that my blood type O- is a rare form. IF someone with this blood type gives birth or miscarries, they require an Rh immunoglobulin shot. If a mother's blood type is Rh negative and the fetus' blood type is Rh positive, then antibodies may enter into the blood stream of an unborn Rh positive infant, damaging the red blood cells.

In 2011, I was pregnant for the fifth time. Neither one of us got our hopes up. I took my pre-natal vitamins, got my Rh shot at 28 weeks, and waited.

As I began to gain weight, we decided to tell immediate family. At 6 months, when friends would see me out, I would let them know, but I did not go out of my way to tell people.

My family threw me a baby shower when I was 7 months, and a few short weeks after, I delivered via emergency C-section, a preemie, but healthy little (tiny) girl.

We named her after my mom. Elpida. Which in English translates to Hope. Hope Catherine weighed just over 5 pounds. The most amazing day of my entire life. I loved her from the minute she cried.

After a long week in the hospital we finally went home. I settled into motherhood like I was born to do it. Still, that panic and fear of losing her was strong.

Postpartum is a real thing. A really scary thing.

I stayed up all night long and poked her every hour to make sure she was breathing. I would wake her up to feed her when she was fast asleep. My milk never came in, so I was extra obsessed with making sure the bottles of formula were ready. I only slept once my husband was home from work, and only for a few hours. I would head to the corner store, and turn around before I got there because I didn't want to leave her.

Looking back now, this was clearly a normal feeling. I had finally carried, delivered and brought my baby into this world, and I was afraid it would be taken from me.

My doctor prescribed me medication, that helped me get through.

The best thing I have accomplished in my life is Hope. She has grown to be the sweetest, most loving, confident and beautiful soul.

She was meant to be. Hope's blood type is Rh negative. Even without the shot, she was meant to survive. She was meant to be mine.